THE END OF 2016

I wake up each morning curious to see how my mood will be.  It is totally dependent on how I am feeling and how I slept.  With cancer, this can change daily - almost hourly.

Most days are good.  A few side effects, fatigue, upset stomach.  All of which can cause a bad day so I am lucky these are few.  

Over the course of the year, I have watched so many friends I've met through the lung cancer community lose their fight = and they fought to the very end and sometimes it was a sudden death/decline.  And there are those who were told they had 1 month to live and are still here 1 year later (and more).

Nothing is certain.  Nothing is to be taken for granted.  The amount of celebrities that we lost this year is staggering.  Another today. Everytime I look at social medial I wonder "who is next?" I keep asking myself when will it stop?  But then I realized I don't want it to stop. Enjoying and loving is what we were put on earth for.    WE all will eventually die.  But it is what we do with our time here that really matters.  Be kind.  Be loving. Look out for our fellow man.  Help our fellow man.  

This is not a life we can conquer without help.  We must realize it takes a village to raise a child.  The same can be said for the cancer community. There are always questions, feelings that you don't want to reveal to close family.  We have a team of medical professionals that keep tract of every ache pain, scan, xray, medication that we depend on to take take care of us.  Their caring is what is keeping me alive.  My lung cancer survivors I've met and I meet in secret Facebook rooms to vent our frustrations, anger, despair, celebrations for good scans and just about anything else we want to talk to.

2016 has taught me more than ever, life has it's up's and down's. So.etimes more than the other but over time it will even out.  

I tell you all how great I feel.  Most days I do.  What I don't tell you is ...

when I pass someone who sneezes - I stress for a week, "am I going to catch that?"

when I get a pain somewhere...anywhere...and I secretly cry, "has it spread?"

each day when I talk to my kids, I think, "will this be the last?"

in my mind, I always think, "is this the last ____ holiday they will see me so don't let them see my true inner fears?

Those days are few but they still happen.  I don't tell everyone about these because I strongly feel everyone is fighting their own battles.  THAT is what is the most important thing I learned!!

No matter how bad I feel and no matter what beast I am battling, there are those with much worse.  

2016 has been rough.  Let's just wait a few more days and it will be over. We can only pray that next year will be an improvement for everyone. Let's not dwell on the past.  Let's make it a point to do better for others and ourselves. 

May you all have a HEALTHY, joyous, prosperous and loving 2017.