The Anger Has Subsided

92 days, a prolonged diagnosis, Surgical Biopsy rescheduled from original date, now big surgery rescheduled 3 times.  Now, it is scheduled for Tuesday, May 27, 2014 at 10:30 a.m.

Today was not my best day - by far.  Let me start by saying, I really like my surgeon.  I understand he is a Thoracic Surgeon and does everything from Cardiac Bypass to Heart Transplants to Lung Surgery.  I understand when someone has a heart attack they need their surgery ASAP.

What I don't understand is how many times can I get pushed off and rescheduled.  I know, that sounds horrible, doesn't it?  When the Nurse Practitioner called yesterday, I really, REALLY went off on her.  I think it was a culmination of the past 92 days and I feel really bad that I spoke to her that way - but, c'mon, how many times?

She apologized over and over again that the doctor had 2 people admitted today due to severe heart attacks and they both needed surgery tomorrow.  At one point she said, "I'm so sorry but a heart attack patient does take priority."

I'm ashamed to say my response was, "when will I be the f****ing priority - after my cancer spreads?"  I was upset and crying by this point so I really don't recall her answer - not that it mattered anyway.  She kept saying she was sorry. 

So, I have now hit my lowest of the low - I got angry with the Nurse Practitioner who was nothing more than the messenger.  I did call my Pulmonary Doctors office and when I told her nurse, she was just about as angry as I was so tomorrow should be interesting to see if I get a phone call from someone changing it again.

I just pray God will grant me the patience I will need during this journey as I know things will change quite often.  So many emotions all at the same time - I am still learning what my new normal will be as I continue on this journey.

Tomorrow Is The Day *UPDATED AGAIN*

This post will be short and sweet because I'm so pissed right now - 5 minutes ago the surgeon's office called AGAIN and rescheduled me for NEXT TUESDAY - May 27, 2014 at 10:30 a.m. 

Yes, I went off on them and Yes, I'm pissed...more later when I'm not so angry :)