Thursday, July 10, 2014

Twas The Night Before Chemo

Twas the night before my first chemo treatment, and there’s a part of me that’s happy.  Happy for a fighting chance.  And thankful.  

Thankful for going to the doctor in February.  Thankful for a persistent Dr. Persaud, my Infectious Disease Doctor AND Dr. Ricaurte, my Pulmonary Doctor, both of whom questioned why my lymph nodes were still getting larger while on massive IV antiobics.  Thankful that they sent me to the best surgeon who made the best choices with my diagnosis and for my surgery.

But the news after the surgery was not as great as we wanted.  There’s the elephant in the room and the other foot is just waiting to drop.  So I held on to anything that would take me back to when what I had could be cured. But, that is not to be.  Two tumors, one in each lobe, and 2 lymph nodes - there's the elephant again - with lymph node involvement there is no cure.

There is always hope that treatment won't allow any remaining cells to grow - hope that treatment will not make me violently ill - hope that I can enjoy the blessings that surround me - that there will be an end to this disease - that you won't take life for granted.

I hold onto every prayer that is sent my way.   And  I don’t let yourself think about what may be ahead.  One day at a time.  For tomorrow…it’s chemo day 1. 

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