Surgery Brings Changes

It is hard for me to believe it has been 5 weeks since my surgery, but according to the calendar - it has.  I think part of this disbelief is because I had the chest tube for so long.

So many changes have taken place since the surgery - some expected and some with no reason.  As expected, having so much left lung removed, I am out of breath extremely easily.  If I walk more than 30 to 40 feet, I am breathing heavy.  Carrying a laundry basked 30 feet to the washer, I am out of breath.  And the list goes on but it is my new normal - so I am getting used to it.  The incision from the chest tube is healing slowly as well but at least that constant pain is gone - YAHOO!!  Thank goodness our grocery stores have the little motorized scooters - that has been my outings a few times a week - racing my sister around Giant Eagle brings a smile to my face :)

Some things that perplex me are my taste changes, sleep changes and stomach issues.  I have never had sleep issues but I have a very hard time sleeping now - this I am assuming is just nerves.  My tastes for food have totally changed and so has my appetite.  I thought once I was off the meds this would change back to normal but it hasn't.  Things do not taste good - overall - I have to use ALOT of seasoning.  My surgeon had recommended lemon drops to help with this and I go through those like there is no tomorrow - it helps - but things still taste funny.  My stomach is always upset as well - again, I am thinking this is nerves as well because although better - it hasn't gone away since the meds stopped.  The most confusing to me is sleep - I used to be able to sleep anytime, anywhere.  Now, it is the norm for me to be awake until 3 or 4 am and then awake by 8 or 9 am - 

And next week is my big week - With all these changes since surgery, I am a bit more nervous about Tuesdays surgery - that is when I will have the MediPort put in my chest.  It is a quick (less than one hour) surgery, but the idea of going back into surgery is just driving me crazy.  And, once the MediPort is in place, well then, Friday, July 11th - Chemo begins.

And the final change - and possibly the hardest - is the acceptance that I have cancer, I am officially on disability retirement and will never work again, and that at some point this cancer will show its ugly face again ... I think these thoughts are what keep me up at night - but the bottom line is - I am awake, I am breathing, and I am fighting!!!