IS THIS NEWS GOOD OR BAD?

I have always been honest in all of my writings.  Whether it's for my blog, Lungevity or LungCancer.net, I say the good with the bad.  So here is what I know and don't know.

As you know from reading my blog, I am preparing for my next TURBT this Thursday, Nov. 9th.  I had a hard time with the last two (which had one tumor) so this time knowing I have 5 plus, I'm extremely nervous.

I'm nervous.  Take that with a grain of salt.  Doc chose to switch my medications last week.  She wants me to take Klonopin instead of Xanax.  Ok, I thought.  Let's try it.  I took it for 3 days. NO. NO. AND NO.  On day 3 and 4, I was a basketcase.  Hands shaking, voice shaking, crying if I couldn't find the new roll of toilet paper.  I was a mess.  I couldn't stop thinking, "I have cancer.  I'm going to die."  This is what we say at initial diagnosis.  Not four years in.  So I called my doctor on call and he said to immediately stop taking new stuff and go back to old until I talk to my doctor this week.  That phone call took place yesterday and I can't begin to tell you how much better I feel.

Now on to the lungs.  My latest CT scan does show several minor/tiny changes.  Multiple lung nodules and lymph nodes are stable - no change.  One nodule grew by 4mm.  And a new one has appeared. 3mm.

Bottom line my doctor is ecstatic about my lungs....still.  She feels since I have tolerated Opdivo for so well for so long that I am the 1% of patients that make it to/past 5 years.  (My 4 year canserversary is this January).  She feels even though there are very minor changes, the other nodules staying the same proves to her Opdivo is still working and we will continue it.  She is cautious because of new growth, but it is so small we will simply watch it during my every 3 month scans. She specifically said to me, "even with these changes I am no where near saying we are at the end of the road."  This is a great thing!

The lung scans also show I have "moderate diverticulitis."  This may explain my stomach issues and a diet change can possibly change this.

So overall, good scans.  I say that lightly because the day I found out about the tiny growth, was one of the days on the new medications, so I was a basketcase.  Now that I'm back on my original, I'm ok with this - no growth means I'm still winning. As I said earlier, "I have cancer  I'm going to fight this monster and kick its ass."

GOTTA KEEP UP YOUR SPIRITS WHILE GOING TO CHEMO/IMMUNOTHERAPY, SO WHY NOT HAVE FUN.

(P.S.  Nurses were filming the entire thing while laughing hysterically.  The poor woman in the beginning in the red vest was a volunteer and had NO idea what was going on)

The volunteer must have worked the front desk because as we were exiting the building she started yelling to her co-workers, THERE SHE IS!!

Bladder Cancer News

Four months ago, my Bladder Cancer was found by accident while getting scans to check on my Lung Cancer.  A cystoscopy is a procedure that allows your doctor to examine the lining of your bladder and the tube that carries urine out of your body (urethra). A hollow tube (cystoscope) equipped with a lens is inserted into your urethra and slowly advanced into your bladder. I had my first cystoscope on July 11, 2017, confirmed it was a tumor and was scheduled for the TURBT surgical  procedure.  My TURBT was performed and confirmed it was a tumor and it was only on the lining of my bladder.  A TURBT is a procedure in which bladder tumors can be removed from the bladder wall. This is a procedure performed completely with a scope that is inserted through the urethra into the bladder. It is generally performed in the hospital setting as an outpatient with the patient anesthetized.

Protocol for patients after having a TURBT with tumors only on the lining entail:

• For six weeks, you go one day a week to your Urologist.  He uses a catheter to put the chemotherapy/immunotherapy solution directly into your bladder.

There are two medications used for this treatment.  BCG - is a form of immunotherapy, therefore I cannot have it due to already being on immunotherapy Opdivo for my lungs every two weeks.  Mitomycin is the second medication.  I began this and during week three developed significant side effects and was told to stop.  I was also told we would wait for another cystoscope in October.  

Well, today was that day.  The day.  The first time we would look in my bladder since removing the one tumor.  He began the procedure and we could instantly see on the monitor as the tube was being moved in.  

What I saw was horrifying.  A lot of things that looked like my originial tumor in various spots on my bladder.  My Urologist immediately withdrew the cystoscope and said, "We see 4 and I didn't even look around.  No need to make you look at it now.  I'll take care of it in surgery."

So almost exactly 3 months after having the TURBT the last time (and everything looked clear and great), there now appears  4 new tumors are growing and we don't know how many there are.  The plan is November 9, 2017, I will have another TURBT, he will scrape my entire bladder, then we do the cystoscope 3 months after - February 18, 2018.

Certainly not the news I was looking for but onward I go.  I know I can have several TURBTS but I can't imagine getting this done every 3 months.  Not sure how that will go but will certainly keep you informed.

Update and What's Happening

Wow, I just realized it has been quite a while since my last update.  Part of that is because it was a rough few months, but also, part of it is due to me writing for LungCancer.net.  My apologies to those of you who follow my progress via my blog.

Let's start with my Lung Cancer.  I still have scans every 3 months and thus far my Opdivo is working fantastic.  Each scan shows either NO growth or slight shrinkage of my tumors.  This is great news.

Now the not so great news.  As I posted a while back, they discovered that I have Bladder Cancer as well.  It is NOT metastatic.  It is a separate cancer.  In July, I had Bladder Surgery and the tumor was removed.  The plan was for me to get six immunotherapy treatments which would be placed in my bladder via a catheter.  I then I had keep it in there for 2 hours.

Well, as you know, my Opdivo is an immunotherapy.  When my Oncologist found out, she freaked.  She immediately called the Urologist to discuss what was going on.  The final decision was that I was to stop the Bladder Cancer therapy because as we know there have been years upon years of studies on immunotherapies BUT NONE for people who are having 2 different immunotherapies at the same time.

Okay, so now what?  Apparently there is a different chemotherapy/immunotherapy drug called Mytomycin that they decided would be a better choice.  I began these treatments in August.  The first two or three weren't too bad.  A bit of pain for a day or two and trouble urinating.

Then the bottom fell out.  On my fourth treatment, I was in extreme pain in my bladder.  It was spasming.  I felt a constant urge to pee!!  And I mean constant.  Then I broke out in hives from my neck to my toes. Between the pain and itching, I didn't know where to begin.  This lasted 9 days.  Of course, I called the Urologist and just my luck he was on vacation.  The nurse did reach him and he said that I should stop my treatments immediately (just the bladder) and we would wait until my next scans in October to discuss what to do.

The probability of Bladder Cancer tumors coming back is high - even with treatment after removal.  So I'm not sure where this leads me.  Since these two drugs are the only options for me right now, we have to wait and see.  At least both doctors are in agreement that my Lung Cancer is the priority.  

I will update again soon, I promise.  As soon as I know what is going on. In the meantime, I will just continue my Opdivo every two weeks.

Bladder Surgery

If you follow my blog, you know that last month I was diagnosed with Bladder Cancer, in addition to my Lung Cancer.

In 2 days, May 11th, I will have surgery to remove the tumor and I will be Staged at that point.  After testing, staging and surgery, I will know the exact treatment going forward.

Even though it is distressing to have two cancers at the same time, it is comforting to know that Bladder Cancer can be easily managed (In comparison to what I'm used to with Lung Cancer).  And, I can do both treatments at the same time.

I may be a bit spacey afterwards, so I may not update for a few days, but will post as soon as I know anything more.

I thank you and ask for your continued prayers

LUCKY ME - 2 DIFFERENT CANCERS

Having over a dozen people in my family diagnosed with cancer, I've always approached "growing up" with - not if I will get cancer but when??

As you all know, it has been 3 years and 3 months since my Lung Cancer diagnosis and everything that journey has entailed.  Well, yesterday I had a Cystoscopy to check a mass in my bladder.

It is approx. 1.5 cm in size and it is Bladder Cancer.  It is not from my primary tumors in my lungs but a totally separate tumor.  According to the Urologist, I will have surgery to remove the tumor.  It is called TURBT procedure. A TURBT is a procedure in which bladder tumors can be removed from the bladder wall. This is a procedure performed completely with a scope that is inserted through the urethra into the bladder. It is generally performed in the hospital setting as an outpatient with the patient anesthetized.

6 weeks after the surgery I will begin chemotherapy.  BCG, Bacillus Calmette-Guérin, is the treatment.  Bladder cancer is the only cancer in which BCG is commonly used. Other agents have been used in bladder cancer, but none has surpassed the effectiveness of BCG.  In my case the BCG will administered in an induction (once weekly for 6 weeks), wait one month, then maintenance (once weekly for 3 weeks) course. Another 6-week course may be administered if a repeat cystoscopy reveals tumor persistence or recurrence. Induction therapy combined with maintenance therapy every 3-6 months for 1-3 years may provide more lasting results. Periodic bladder biopsies are usually necessary to assess response.

I will have BCG and Opdivo concurrently (at the same time).

So there you have it.  I am officially a Lung Cancer Survivor and I intend to be a Bladder Cancer Survivor.

I am currently awaiting on the hospital to call me to schedule the procedure.  I will update as soon as I know more.  

I continue to thank you for all your love, support and prayers.

YES, I'VE BEEN AVOIDING YOU

I have a confession.  For the past 48 hours, I have been avoiding all of you.  Text messages, emails and Facebook posts.  You all saw I was getting my scan results yesterday and then I was back at the hospital today.

Truth is my scan results were not that great.  First, my lung scans were GREAT!!  Slight shrinkage since 3 months ago, so we know Opdivo is still doing it's job and kicking cancer's ass.

Now, the not so good news.  The CT scans showed a mass in my bladder.  My oncologist stated she highly doubts it is spread from my lung because that is very rare.  However, there is the possibility it is a 2nd cancer - just my luck.  

She wanted me to see a Urologist ASAP but unfortunately they were booked until May 24th.  She stressed I should call periodically and see if they have cancellations.  Lucky for me, I called today and they had an opening.

The Urologist and I went over my scans.  He stated we have to do a cystoscopy so he can look at it and get a biopsy.  We have scheduled that for next Wednesday.  He will be able to tell me at that time if it indeed is a 2nd cancer.  He was very compassionate, concerned and explained things in detail.  He told me he cannot make an educated guess without a biopsy but the way it looks makes him pessimistic of the final diagnosis. The fact that I've never had a bladder infection or kidney infection is another bad sign.  My kidneys and bladder work great.

As cancer patients, we all know, no one ever rushes anything.  We wait and we wait.  What alarms me this time is his push to his staff that this needs to be done "tomorrow."  That is exactly what he told his staff while I was there.

I will keep you all informed going forward  I apologize for not answering your questions but I needed time to tell all 7 of my children - that took an entire day :)

I love you all for all the support your provide.  The past two days have proven I have many people behind me giving me the strength to continue the big fight.  During my mother's cancer fight in the early 80's, she always said, "God only gives you what you can handle."  All I can say mommie is - enough already!

Say an extra prayer for me.

F*CK CANCER

First, accept my apologies for my language.  Today is not a good day.  I woke up today to find my Facebook news feed filled about the loss of a wonderful young woman, wife and mother to an 18 month old has passed away from this horrible disease.

Elizabeth Dessureault, a young newlywed in 2015, pregnant with her first child found out she had lung cancer.  Throughout her ordeal fighting this beast she dedicated her time to advocating for those who have cancer.  Just recently she raised over $5,000 for the Team Draft Superbowl Challenge.  She was tireless. 

She was fearless. FromLizziesLungs.com was her outlet to keep everyone up to date AND raise necessary funds to help research lung cancer.

I met Lizzie last year at the 2016 Hope Summit.  While her diagnosis and fight was hard, depressing and life-threatening you never would have know when you saw her smile.  Ask her about her son, and her face beamed.  She was the shining light in a horrible situation

Recently, Lizzie also helped to write a fundraising letter that helped The Ottawa Hospital Foundation raise over $266,000.

Life is precious.  I remind myself of this all the time.  I may feel great today but I have no idea what tomorrow has in store.  Just the word cancer, seems to cancel out your future. BUT WHY?  I've have friends that have survived 3 years, 5 years, 10 years, some 15!! How can someone so young, vibrant, and with their entire life ahead of them, not have a cure? 

How is it 2017 we cannot find a cure for this fucking disease?  Why do we have to put poison in our bodies to battle this?  In my lifetime, I've lost several aunts,uncles and my mother to cancer.  Luckily, they all lived semi-full lives but in the end they succumbed to the beast.  It's a part of my life.  I don't want it to be but it is.

Today, I am heartbroken.  Please add her beloved husband, young son and her parents in your prayers tonight.  Give your loved ones an extra hug today as tomorrow is not promised.

Lizzie, may you rest in eternal peace.  #JustBreathe

1095 DAYS, 156 WEEKS, 3 YEARS

Happy Cancerversary to ME!! February 23, 2014, I was admitted to the hospital with what they thought were 4 tumors in my lungs.  If you've followed my blog since the beginning, you know it has been a roller coaster ride.

6 weeks of IV antibiotics with a PICC line, surgery to remove all of left lung (2 lobes) and numerous lymph nodes, chemotherapy for 2 years, radiation therapy for 7 weeks (everyday minus weekends), metastasis to right lung, immunotherapy which has been working for 14 months.  All my new normal life.  

Prior to my diagnosis, I worked full time.  February 23, 2014 was my last day at work.  Since that time I have been on disability retirement and had to come to terms that I will never work again.

Prior to my diagnosis, I never faced my mortality head on.  Since then, that is all I do.  I say that and I know it sounds dreary but I really don't mean it that way.  Once a diagnosis of cancer is received, one tends to go through the same stages of grief from the loss of a loved one:  denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance.  The denial and isolation is what led me to begin this blog in the first place.  It gave me an outlet to express my feelings and informing family and friends about my condition without having to relive it over and over.

I mean, who goes to the doctor with an on-going fever and comes out with a Lung Cancer diagnosis - this girl here.  

It took me a long time to reach acceptance.  That was the hardest of this journey.  But I now know, everyone will die sometime.  I just so happen to be one of those who knows "it's coming."  So in the meantime, I enjoy every moment I have with family and friends.  I try to educate everyone I meet YOU can get lung cancer.  It is the #1 killer in the U.S.  Yes, I know you thought it was breast cancer but truth be told, lung cancer kills more people than breast and colon cancer combined.  The problem is people who never smoked get it.  People who smoke (or quit) get it.  It effects everyone.  

So my days are spent enjoying what I have.  Not complaining about what I don't have.  Enjoying my children.  Enjoying my grandchild.  And my advocacy work.

It hasn't been a fun-filled 3 years but it has been more educational that my prior 54 years.  Once you accept you have cancer, you can begin to dwell on the goodness of everyone and everything.  You stop taking things for granted - and you love with a vengeance.

Here's to ALOT MORE YEARS!!!  My spring and summer are going to be fantastic.  2017 HOPE Summit in D.C, Free To Breathe conference in Minnesota, 2017 Family Lovefest in Richmond....and so many more memories.

My daughter Caitlyn - hair growing back.

Spectacular Lung Cancer Conference - Free To Breathe

5k run and 1k walk to raise money for Lungevity

2016 Lungevity HOPE Summit attendees group photo

Hair be gone!

My WONDERFUL 7 children

A picture from a nationwide slideshow

The air I breathe - my grandson Cameron taking me to my birthday dinner

THE END OF 2016

I wake up each morning curious to see how my mood will be.  It is totally dependent on how I am feeling and how I slept.  With cancer, this can change daily - almost hourly.

Most days are good.  A few side effects, fatigue, upset stomach.  All of which can cause a bad day so I am lucky these are few.  

Over the course of the year, I have watched so many friends I've met through the lung cancer community lose their fight = and they fought to the very end and sometimes it was a sudden death/decline.  And there are those who were told they had 1 month to live and are still here 1 year later (and more).

Nothing is certain.  Nothing is to be taken for granted.  The amount of celebrities that we lost this year is staggering.  Another today. Everytime I look at social medial I wonder "who is next?" I keep asking myself when will it stop?  But then I realized I don't want it to stop. Enjoying and loving is what we were put on earth for.    WE all will eventually die.  But it is what we do with our time here that really matters.  Be kind.  Be loving. Look out for our fellow man.  Help our fellow man.  

This is not a life we can conquer without help.  We must realize it takes a village to raise a child.  The same can be said for the cancer community. There are always questions, feelings that you don't want to reveal to close family.  We have a team of medical professionals that keep tract of every ache pain, scan, xray, medication that we depend on to take take care of us.  Their caring is what is keeping me alive.  My lung cancer survivors I've met and I meet in secret Facebook rooms to vent our frustrations, anger, despair, celebrations for good scans and just about anything else we want to talk to.

2016 has taught me more than ever, life has it's up's and down's. So.etimes more than the other but over time it will even out.  

I tell you all how great I feel.  Most days I do.  What I don't tell you is ...

when I pass someone who sneezes - I stress for a week, "am I going to catch that?"

when I get a pain somewhere...anywhere...and I secretly cry, "has it spread?"

each day when I talk to my kids, I think, "will this be the last?"

in my mind, I always think, "is this the last ____ holiday they will see me so don't let them see my true inner fears?

Those days are few but they still happen.  I don't tell everyone about these because I strongly feel everyone is fighting their own battles.  THAT is what is the most important thing I learned!!

No matter how bad I feel and no matter what beast I am battling, there are those with much worse.  

2016 has been rough.  Let's just wait a few more days and it will be over. We can only pray that next year will be an improvement for everyone. Let's not dwell on the past.  Let's make it a point to do better for others and ourselves. 

May you all have a HEALTHY, joyous, prosperous and loving 2017.

OUR FAMILY

As I described in my last post, our 2nd son got married on December 2, 2016.  Here is the wedding video provided by the photographer.

A beautiful wedding, a beautiful family, and a beautiful day.  I'm in the striped dress and the pictures are the newlyweds family and friends celebrating with us.

(Pssst....my beautiful grandson, Cameron, was Dad's Best Man - giving a beautiful toast).

34 months and counting - I'm kicking cancer's ass!!

My beautiful 7 children............

IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME

Wow, it's been a while since I updated but it's been a busy few months.  I continue my chemotherapy/immunotherapy every two weeks.  Thanksgiving was a whirlwind as we had it at my son's home a week before his wedding.  My new daughter in law, Amy, has been wonderful and such a loving person to join our family.  Who else would have 15 people at their home 1 week before their wedding for a Thanksgiving celebration.

The wedding was FANTASTIC.  I am overflowing with love for my family.  All the kids pitched in to "get er' done" and the evening was super.  Now that Amy is part of our family, we have 6 new family members to love and welcome to our family (Amy's parents, sister and her family). 

 With the Thanksgiving celebrations (i did all the cooking) and the wedding a few days later, I'm exhausted.  But a good exhausted.  I did seem to get bronchitis during this time but we caught it early so I was ready and willing for all events.  Nothing shows love like being with your whole family. Nothing makes you feel better.  I was able to dance, celebrate, and share love with my family. I made it.  My biggest goal was to make it to the wedding.

Bradford (groom) - Amy (bride) - Cameron (best man)

Now the GREAT news.  I had a CT Scan Tuesday.  One tumor got smaller and the rest stayed the same.  That is the BEST I can hope for.  Never Ever - did I ever think there would be a time when I had cancer and was overjoyed with "no growth."  The first inclination is get rid of it - get it out- but we are past that.  I'm overjoyed with no growth.

All I can say at this point is - enjoy everyday, enjoy your family, love each other.  You never know what tomorrow will bring.  I've been blessed in 2016 to help plan and attend our grand family event.  I wish the same for you this holiday season.  Be present in the moment.

30 Months and 3 Days

Yep.  It dawned on me today that is how long it's been since my Lung Cancer diagnosis.  2 years, 6 months and 3 days.  Amazing that is how long it's been.  I can't begin to describe my delight when I see that typed on a page.

Fear.
Denial.
Grief.
Anxious.
Depressed.
Fear - always

These are all words that can describe my past 2 - 1/2 years.  But as of today. JOY.  YES, JOY!!  That is the only way I can describe my feelings.  It has actually been that long. Dozens of chemotherapy appointments, 35 radiation treatments.  18 Opdivo treatments so far - AND IT IS FINALLY WORKING.  To see an x-ray report that repeatedly says "stable" within the description of all the tumors is a remarkable feeling.

To be honest, I never in a million years thought I would make it this far.  My mother's family (6 siblings) has a history of cancer.  They fought it as long as they could, but ultimately, 4 of them died of cancer.  I thought cancer would have gotten me by now.  

But by the grace of God and the medical breakthroughs, I am still here.  My life is considerably different.  I am still fighting.  I am still going every two weeks for treatments.  I still have side effects (nothing compared to chemo, but still...) and I continue to love.  I have too much to look forward to so I can't let the 'C' word get the best of me.

Doing the happy dance. Enjoying life.  Loving my family.  Taking exercise classes to "get stronger" to continue to fight the beast!!

LUNGevity 2017 National HOPE Summit

I'm participating in an event to raise money to fight lung cancer—and I need your help!

I'm planning to attend LUNGevity Foundation's National HOPE Summit in Washington, DC, in spring - it's a special conference just for lung cancer survivors like me. If I can raise $1,500 or more in donations, LUNGevity will cover my travel expenses, including US round-trip transportation and hotel accommodations.  I was lucky enough to attend last year and I am convinced the knowledge I came home with has helped me continue my fight to beat this beast.

Proceeds from this fundraiser will benefit LUNGevity Foundation, the leading private provider of research funding for lung cancer. Your donation goes directly to LUNGevity under my name.  Donations end March 24, 2017.

LUNGevity Foundation is firmly committed to making an immediate impact on increasing quality of life and survivorship of people with lung cancer by accelerating research into early detection and more effective treatments, as well as providing community, support, and education for all those affected by the disease.

Every dollar helps.  Please share my page with your friends and family as well. Lung Cancer effects everyone - smokers AND non-smokers.

Please join me in my efforts to stop lung cancer—the leading cancer killer—now!  CLICK HERE TO HELP ME REACH MY GOAL.

Thank you.

Feelings, Thoughts, Random Things

This post was NOT written by me.  A fellow cancer survivor, Micks Journey, posted this and it was if he read my mind.  I wish I had his writing skills to articulate into words what I am feeling.  The following did it for me.  I did adapt a few sentences for me, but overall - Thanks Mick!!

As someone who has been through the wringer with cancer, I possess a drive and a sense of urgency to accomplish the things I want to accomplish. I know the value of my health, the importance of my time and how precious each breath is. I no longer take for granted the days I feel healthy and strong because I have experienced what it feels like to have my body disobey and my mind pushed beyond discomfort.

After treatment there is this huge rush to get back as though nothing happened. A mistake people make is that some seem to think cancer is forgettable. Cancer is a part of me now. It is a part of anyone who has experienced it. We cancer veterans live daily with our cancer – in the scars on our bodies, the memories of the people who were kind when we needed help, and the way that we can never again take tomorrow for granted. I am not my old pre-cancer self. I’m someone different and that is both scary and exciting at the same time.

Cancer is a bully. If I cower in the corner, I help it win. But if I tell the proper authorities (my doctors), stand up to it, laugh at it, and use weapons like healthy foods and positive affirmations, I swing the odds in my favor. I will always continue to fight, continue to laugh, and continue to experience life. Without cancer and all its lessons, I would have merely lived. Now I thrive.

As a cancer survivor, I can’t ever have too many people surrounding me with encouragement on my journey.  My family, my children, my grandson, bring me joy, hope and the strength to forge on. My facebook family, my facebook friends, my "cancer" friends that I've made along the way help enforce the encouragement I need EVERY DAY.

Cancer has placed limitations on what I could do for a long time, but I didn’t let that stop me from forging a new path for my life. Let yourself be open to new things! Try things you have never thought about doing before. Enjoy them!! And enjoy yourself!

Yes, my life has been forever changed and yes, my life has turned upside. But even during this unplanned tumultuous part of my life, I deserved – no, I NEEDED to make plans. Maintaining my will to live and to put one foot in front of the other is, in my opinion, just as important as what medical science can do for me. Both must work hand in hand.

I don’t believe there are any one-sided lessons in life. Just as a broken bone heals stronger at the point of fracture, every defeat allows me go grow. I believe that each time my cancer knocks me back a step, the reverence that I have for life and its endless lessons grows stronger.

It is having faith in myself that helps me overcome obstacles in life, including cancer. When a thunderstorm rolls in, I just need to remind myself that there’s a sun behind those clouds. It will shine again – maybe not today or tomorrow – but it will shine again.

One thing I have been asked about a lot is how can I find the humor in such a shitty situation, and in many ways I still don’t know how to answer that question. I just find things to be funny. Not necessarily funny as in “ha ha” funny, but funny like bizarre (and yes, ok, some ha ha funny too). Cancer is random. It has a mind of its own. But cancer only controls me when I allow it to. It can’t take my spirit, my soul, my humor or my passions, unless I allow it to. So I dance (badly, I might add), I sing, I move, and I laugh in the face of cancer. I am very thankful for all the great things in my life, but sometimes life bites. When it does, I bite back.

The human spirit is precious and it deserves nourishment. Life can get back to better than normal. A new normal.

Remember this – whenever you face a challenge, any challenge, you always have a choice to view the challenge as an ending or as a new beginning.

CT Scans Update

Well, the time came.  3 months since my last CT Scan of my chest.  To go back for a moment, I started Opdivo January 1, 2016.  I had my first set of scans in May to see if it was working.  It was a bit inconclusive because 1 tumor got smaller but the rest in my lymph nodes got larger.  THIS IS TYPICAL with Opdivo so we really were in mystery land and didn't know if was working.

Yesterday, Thursday, I had my 17th Opdivo infusion.  Immediately following, I had a CT Scan to see if there was any difference and to see if the treatment is working.

EVERYTHING IS THE SAME SIZE!!!

This is HUGE!!  It means for the moment Opdivo is indeed "extending my life" as the commercials boast.  While the best news would have been to hear they were all smaller, I am perfectly content (and thrilled) that they have stayed the same size!!

I know I could have gone crazy these past 8 months waiting and waiting to see if my every other week therapy worked.  Without the love, support and guidance from all my friends and family, I possibly may have given up hope because of not knowing.  Your love and support got me here!!

Now, I'm gonna really kick cancer's ass.  Wish me luck and say a prayer for me as I continue my treatments.

Update For July

Such a busy month.  Hardly anytime to blog.  I apologize for that.  The month started out wonderfully as I attended a Free To Breathe Lung Cancer Conference in Minneapolis, MN.  The amount of information and the new friends you make is magnificent.

Such great information and made so many new friends.  It is a wonderful feeling to be sitting in a room with over 100 people who know exactly what you're going through and how much they understand.

After the conference, I was able to spend 4 days with my brother Alberto, his beautiful wife Stacey and Stacey's family.  I LOVE HER FAMILY.  As you may remember, I was unable to attend their wedding a year ago so this was my chance to meet everyone.

Below is my favorite picture - look behind us (up and down).  I've finally met a family as crazy as mine.

But the fun didn't end in Minnesota.  Four days after returning from MN, my sister and I drove to Virginia for our yearly "lovefest" with our cousins from across the US for 10 days.  This is a yearly event and fun to had every day, every minute, every second.

Cousin Shocky's backyard

This month has been so action packed.  I ended the month with my normal Opdivo treatment but the GREAT news is, on August 18, 2016 my doc is doing additional CT scans so we can see if the Opdivo is working.  Prayers are needed.

I've also begun to make some slow changes.  I've always been a water drinker so I started adding lemons to my water jug.  WOW - makes you feel so energized.  I also started drinking those NAKED juice drinks.  Between the two, I don't know what's doing it, but I feel great, so I'm not stopping.

Now if I could only walk a 1/2 a block without getting out of breath and needing a nap, life would be great LOL.

Will update again after my scan results are in.  God Bless - have a great summer.

Minneapolis, Minnesota

What an awesome trip.  I have been in Minnesota/Wisconsin since Friday, June 24th.  My trip started with a FreeToBreathe Lung Cancer Conference.  My brain is on overload with all the wonderful information I learned and all the upcoming treatments that will be able to help all of us trying to survive this horrible disease.

On Sunday, my brother Alberto picked me up from the airport and we had a Spaghettifest with his wife, Stacy and her entire family.  WHAT A WONDERFUL GROUP OF PEOPLE.  You may remember I was not able to attend their wedding due to my chemo last year so this was my first time meeting them.  They welcomed me with open arms and love as if I had known them my entire life.  Tomorrow is my flight home, so tonight they are having another get together to say goodbye to me.  I am going to miss them all so much.

The last two days Alberto and Stacy have taken me to see various areas of the Minnesota/Wisconsin area.  It is breathtakingly beautiful.  I am actually writing this post in the hotel business area so I will not be able to post pictures until I arrive home. 

I may have mentioned before, since beginning chemo, radiation and immunotherapy, I have gained 40 lbs :((( but when I arrived here I weighed myself and realized I have lost 23 lbs in the past 3 weeks.  Not sure how but I'm not complaining.  Although, I am quite sure my doctors will not be happy next week when I go in for my next infusion.

I have felt my normal self while here, with the exception of the last 2 days.  Both days, for about 5 minutes, I developed double vision.  The first day I blew it off.  The second day I called my Oncologist office.  The nurse indicated if it continues for longer than 5 minutes, then I should go to an emergency room.  Otherwise, they will see me Tuesday.  ( I'm voting for Tuesday ).  I am a bit alarmed because I don't know if this is a side effect of immunotherapy or something else (which we will not speak of yet).

My plan is to see the doc Tuesday, immunotherapy Wednesday, then leave for a 10 day trip to visit my relatives in Virginia.  I think at this point, I have to wait until I see the doc to confirm it is still okay for me to go.  Keep you fingers crossed for me.

A special thank you to my brother Alberto and sister-in-law Stacy for their hospitality.  Lack of sleep while I'm here and their love.  Poor Alberto works nights and has had a terrible lack of sleep during my visit.

A special thank to to the Koblas/Ratcliff family for all the love they have shown me while I was here.  I will miss you!!!!

So keep those prayers coming - we shall see what happens Tuesday at the doctor.

Updates and Thoughts

As I continue my Opdivo treatments every other week, things are coming along smoothly.  Aside from a few minor side effects, it is amazing how much better I feel compared to when I was on Chemotherapy.  During my day, I find myself thinking crazy thoughts...or maybe ramblings.

An online friend who has a wonderful blog recently posted about the abundance of people that post things on social media that start with "_____ cures cancer." Beet juice, eat a lemon a day... you name it, it's been claimed to cure cancer.  Do you know how infuriating this is for someone with cancer when someone says, "oh you should be drinking 3 glasses of beet juice a day - that will kill it." UGH, really, then wouldn't the entire world be cancer free?

I know every word from family and friends mouths are meant to be the best of intentions, but seriously, if this type of stuff worked, why would I be abusing my body with chemotherapy, radiation, etc.

My days are filled with trying to find Hope.  Hope that I will be around long enough to see my children get married, to see and love my future grandchildren, to see my grandson Cameron grow up. These types of thoughts do scare me at times as I am realistic enough to know that I may never see some of these things.  I've already been on 4 different lines of therapy and am not sure what is left for me if Opdivo fails.

So what do I do to keep my spirits up?  My children.  Somehow they always manage to say something or do something that makes me smile or crack up laughing.

This video below is the PERFECT example.  After my lung surgery, you may remember, I had my chest tube for 6 weeks at home.  I had to go to the doctor every Monday for him to check it.  This particular day, Greg, Caitlyn  and Maria (Doodles) took me.  As with every visit, they would wheel me into the waiting room.  I would get up and walk to the exam room.  After about 15 minutes, I came out - the receptionist and nurse gave me the strangest look (while smiling) and when I walked out, Greg, Caitlyn  and Maria (Doodles) were hysterically laughing.  Below is how they amused themselves while I was in the Doctors exam room.

TURN YOUR SOUND UP

https://www.facebook.com/HockeyMomX7/videos/10202694451335971/?pnref=story

I have no words.  I walked out and was laughing so hard when they showed the Doctor and I the video that I was bent over in pain.  I try to look at this video as often as possible because the lesson here is.......

Any situation can be depressing and heartbreaking - but we must make the best of it.  We must find the best of everyday and celebrate that.

This day is a perfect example.  Three of my  children had recently learned their mother had lung cancer, are sitting in the surgeons office with me, I am barely walking and had a tube coming out of my back - but they managed to bring a smile to everyone's face.  Including mine.

When I feel I am having a bad day and think of the negatives surrounding cancer, I just look at this video and realize there is good in everything.  Sometimes you just need to search for it.

Minneapolis, MN - Here I Come

Between my trip last week to the LUNGevity Hope Summit, then my scare from my scans, I've kept quiet about another opportunity that I have been given.

FreeToBreathe.org has graciously invited me to another Lung Cancer Conference.  It will be June 24th and June 25th in Minneapolis, MN.  And, just like the last conference, I will be staying in Minneapolis for 4 days after the conference.  My brother, Alberto, and his beautiful wife, Stacy, live near there so this is a great opportunity to visit with them.

FreeToBreathe is a partnership of lung cancer survivors, advocates, researchers, healthcare professionals and industry leaders. And we are united in the belief that every person with lung cancer deserves a cure.

The agenda for the 2 days can be found by clicking here.  It sounds incredible.

Oncologist Appointment

First and foremost, let me thank everyone for all the love and support I have received the last few days.  I have been a nervous wreck as you can imagine.

This morning, my son Gregory and I met with my primary Oncologist.  We reviewed the report and he showed us the images for the various lymph nodes and the tumor in my right lung.

While he is concerned there is growth, he feels since I am tolerating the Opdivo extremely well, that we will continue on this course.  I will have scans again in a few months but he doesn't think we should change our plan or panic unless we see large amount of growth.  It is very typical for the first few scans when on Opdivo, that the malignant areas get larger.  That is what Opdivo does in the beginning.

Many of you already messaged or called me and told me not to panic on Monday when I found out they got bigger - you knew it was pseudo-progression - I should have listened more closely and the last few days may have not be as nerve wracking as it was - THANK YOU!!!

God Bless all of you who follow my journey and include me in your prayers - it's working.